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Author Topic: Bethorm Pre-Release Feedback
luther
Dlántü (Clan-Head)
Posts: 133
Post Re: Bethorm Pre-Release Feedback
on: October 2, 2014, 20:14

P 117, 108A. Banishment I (Ritual)
Cost: 27; NRG: 22; aimed; attack; 15”rng; 1”area; resist
This sends multiple minor demons who serve Change back to
their own Plane. The beings are permitted a Resistance Check
in order to remain on the current Plane. Only one Resistance
Check is made for each type, however. If this succeeds, all
remain; a failed check indicates that the demons in the
target area are sent back to their own Plane; all of these must
belong to the same demon "species," however.

I suggest dropping these "however"s.
luther
Dlántü (Clan-Head)
Posts: 133
Post Re: Bethorm Pre-Release Feedback
on: October 2, 2014, 20:18

P 117, 108C. Banishment III (Ritual)
Cost: 30; NRG: 36; attack; 45”rng; 7”area; resist
This returns still more minor OR major demons who follow
Change to their own worlds. Even this spell is not powerful
enough to dispel the Demon Lords described in "The Book of
Ebon Bindings," however. The special Incantations required to
return these mighty creatures to their own Planes are
described in this work and need not be given here.

Is "this work" these rules or The Book of Ebon Bindings? If the former, I suggest adding a See reference to them. If the latter, I suggest the wording, "...described in that work..."
luther
Dlántü (Clan-Head)
Posts: 133
Post Re: Bethorm Pre-Release Feedback
on: October 2, 2014, 20:24

P 117, 110A. Expurgation I (Ritual)
Cost: 27; NRG: 22; aimed; attack; 15”rng; 1”area; resist
This sends multiple minor demons who serve Stability back to
their own Plane. The beings are permitted a Resistance Check
in order to remain on the current Plane. Only one Resistance
Check is made for each type, however. If this succeeds, all
remain; a failed check indicates that the demons in the
target area are sent back to their own Plane; all of these must
belong to the same demon "species," however.

I suggest dropping these "however"s.

In fact, having read this far, they are getting rather old. I understand using them. When I write I find myself similarly tempted. That said (which is, I admit, a form of "however"), in rules they tend to clutter. If you have time, I suggest you review this document and look at such clauses (e.g., "however", "moreover", etc.) with a cold eye, removing as many of them as is possible. The resulting text will be easier to read and their removal will not detract from the information that you are giving.
luther
Dlántü (Clan-Head)
Posts: 133
Post Re: Bethorm Pre-Release Feedback
on: October 2, 2014, 20:37

P 117, 118, Expurgation I, II, III

In these spell descriptions you say E-I removes "multiple", E-II removes "more", and E-III removes "still more". Might we have guidance concerning those hinted at numbers?

111B. Perplexity could also use some guidance concerning judging when "more" is too many.
luther
Dlántü (Clan-Head)
Posts: 133
Post Re: Bethorm Pre-Release Feedback
on: October 2, 2014, 20:49

P 118, 113A. Intangibility (Ritual)
Cost: 32; NRG: 26; aimed; 0”rng; 1 target; resist; duration: 10
minutes
The caster can use this spell upon himself/herself or upon one
other being (of his/her own species). It does not operate upon
dead or unconscious individuals, however. One who does not
wish to be decorporealised is allowed to resist it. The
recipient’s body becomes insubstantial and faintly
translucent, though still visible. He/she may move normally
and can also levitate or descend through solid substances at
a rate of 1” (2m) per combat round. He/she must not be high
in the air or within a solid substance when the spell expires,
however; in the former case he/she will fall to his/her death,
while in the latter a powerful explosion is produced.

I suggest, "...expires, however. In the former case..."

In fact, you often use ";" when "." is appropriate. It is a minor thing, but the grammatical pedant in me is having trouble continuing to ignore them. I've said my bit about it now, though. I'll not mention it again.
luther
Dlántü (Clan-Head)
Posts: 133
Post Re: Bethorm Pre-Release Feedback
on: October 2, 2014, 20:56

P 119, 113B. Intangibility Field (Ritual)
Cost: 30; NRG: 36; 1”rng; 1”area, resist; duration: 20 minutes
The caster and others of his/her species within the circle of
effect are decorporealised for the duration of the spell. They
retain their garments, weapons, and personal possessions in
this state but cannot fight,...

...state, but...
luther
Dlántü (Clan-Head)
Posts: 133
Post Re: Bethorm Pre-Release Feedback
on: October 3, 2014, 07:08

P 121, 119B. Combat Mastery II (Psychic)
Cost: 24; NRG: 20; aimed; 0”rng; 1”area; duration: 3 minutes
As above, but multiple persons within the area of effect
receive +5 expertise with a specific melee or missile weapon.
This must be the same weapon for all targets.

All persons within the area of effect? Caster gets to select and exclude among persons in area? Guidance, please.
luther
Dlántü (Clan-Head)
Posts: 133
Post Re: Bethorm Pre-Release Feedback
on: October 3, 2014, 07:09

P 121, 119C. Combat Perfection I (Psychic)
Cost: 17; NRG: 24; touch; 1 target; duration: 3 minutes
A fighter with a minimum of +5 in any weapon skill may be
given +5 skill in the use of a weapon (either missile or melee)
he/she does not know at all for the duration of the spell: e.g. a
swordsman who has never who has never used a bow
becomes an archer with a Bows skill of +5 while this spell is in
effect upon him/her. Other normal modifiers apply as well.
luther
Dlántü (Clan-Head)
Posts: 133
Post Re: Bethorm Pre-Release Feedback
on: October 3, 2014, 07:10

P 121, 119D. Combat Perfection II (Psychic)
Cost: 49; NRG: 36; aimed; 1”rng; 1”area; duration: 5 minutes
As just above, except that multiple fighters within the target
area receive this temporary knowledge.

All persons within the area of effect? Caster gets to select and exclude among persons in area? Guidance, please.
luther
Dlántü (Clan-Head)
Posts: 133
Post Re: Bethorm Pre-Release Feedback
on: October 3, 2014, 07:24

P 122, Spells 122B and 122C

All in area? Select/exclude targets? Max number?
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